Episode 138: How to Find a Mentor

Are you looking for someone to come alongside you and help give you guidance in your life?

On this episode of Giving Your Best Life, my mentee Sarah Vessely and I discuss what it’s like to have a mentorship.

We answer questions such as:

What should I look for in a mentor?

How do I ask someone to be my mentor?

How often should we meet?

What should I talk about with my mentor?

Is it important to meet in person?

Having a mentor for guidance and wisdom is just one way you can get to giving your best life!

Let's connect!

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With gratitude, Stephanie❤️

Transcript

Meet Sarah And Her Calling

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey friends, it's Stephanie here, the host of the Giving Your Best Life podcast. And today I have my friend, mentee, the book author, speaker, Sarah Vesley on with me. And I will say that our goal is that you will continue to see her pop up over, you know, the next year or whenever, whatever the Lord has for us on this podcast. So hey Sarah, thank you for joining. Hi, thank you for having me. So since this is the first time on the Giving Your Best Life podcast, share a little bit with the audience about like your age, who you are, what do you do, all that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

So I'm Sarah, as Stephanie said. I just turned 20 in March, which actually wasn't that long ago. I feel like that was a long time ago.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

And if you're listening to this, this is 2026.

SPEAKER_00 0:46

Yes, 2026. Um I have written, I've published two books. One is called Jesus Is You, and it's a faith book, a Christian nonfiction book. The other one is called Whirlwind, a book of poetry, which is a poetry book. And then I just finished yesterday writing my devotional, which will come out sometime. I don't want to give a date and then like not have it out by then. Um I've spoken at a few events and I'm going to college this fall. So I'm really excited about that.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Wonderful. Well, thank you. So I've been Sarah's mentor publisher, and uh I don't know, do you want to talk about the different ways that I've been your mentor and

The New Year’s Eve Book Dare

SPEAKER_01 1:30

then we can just have a conversation? So today, what we want to talk about is like finding a good mentor and being a good mentor. Um and so yeah, you wanna share a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

The first thing is like telling the story of like how we met. Yeah, sure, go for it. I on New Year's Eve, my dad was going around, this was 2021, I believe. He was going around and asking what are what me and my siblings' goals were for the new year. And you know, people were like skincare routine and working out every single day. And I was like, I'm gonna write a book as like a joke. Like, I'm gonna write a book and have it published. And my dad was like, okay. And then that night I went in my bed and I wrote down like the whole first chapter of my book that's out now, which is kind of crazy. And I was like, okay. And then I like kept writing and kept writing, and I was like, this could actually be a book. So I went to my dad and I was like, Well, I actually wrote the book, and he was like, Okay. And so I think, like, from me, like just telling him, I don't really see the behind the scenes of parents, you know, I'm just like, they know everything, they know how to do everything. And then he came home one day for lunch, and he was like, I was at a meeting today, and this girl I know has written like six books, and she said, if you want to, she would help you. And I was like, Okay. And then we met at a little cafe downtown in our city and talked about it, and I was very scared because I was like, Oh my god, she's written six books, that's insane. And so then I like gave her my book, and she was like, if you keep doing the work, I will keep showing up, and then she's I've kept doing the work and she's kept showing up all the time. Probably five years later. Yeah, that's crazy. It's been five years.

SPEAKER_01 3:21

No, I love that. So if you are a teenager, late teens, early 20s, actually, I mean, it doesn't really matter your age, but

Fear, Commitment, And Showing Up

SPEAKER_01 3:30

one thing I want to point out that Sarah did was one is you had this like big idea, like maybe you felt like the Lord had laid it on your heart. But instead of just going, that's crazy, I'm 15 or 14 or however old you were at the time, I think you were 15. Instead of saying, I can't do that, I don't have the resources, I don't know how to do that. I don't know anybody that's done that. Is the devil can quip in our ear and tell us a bunch of lies, is you just took the next step. And the next step was I'm just gonna start writing. And I just think it's cool, is that's how God works a lot of times, is he doesn't give you your mentor or the thing that you need in the beginning. He's like, No, you have to start taking a step of faith, and I'll work everything out if this is what you know you're supposed to do. And so, do you want to talk a little bit about that? Of like going from a crazy idea to actually doing it. Like, did you have any fear? Was it easy? What did you think?

SPEAKER_00 4:31

Yeah, I think I was scared because I was like, is this book even good? You know, because I'm like, I wrote it, but I don't know how good it is. And I think another thing too is like some people around you be like, that's too big of an idea. Like, you're too crazy, that's never gonna happen, all this stuff. And so I was nervous that I was like gonna find someone that would like to do that and be like, you're only 15 years old, you know nothing, like let the older people do that, you know? Like let people who've lived like double your lifetime write about this because you don't know anything. But you embraced it and were like, yes, let's meet and let's keep doing this. And I think there were fears, not even just about that, but about like showing up again. Because I'm like, okay, I met her once, she's had to keep working on it, but I don't know if I really want to. I'm in school, I don't want to keep doing this kind of, and then I just prayed about it and I kept doing it and kept doing it, and then finally I think those fears went away, and I just like stepped fully into like being an author and publishing everything.

SPEAKER_01 5:33

So no, I think the one of the things that you point on is one, I remember you even telling me, like showing up the first time, it was scary. And I think a lot of times, um, no matter your age, but let's just speak to the audience of your age, of 20-something, is like we don't even show up because we let all these excuses and fear get in the way. And so I think there's power in showing up, and even if you don't know where it's going, like you said, is then you could have started making the excuses. And so, do you want to talk a little bit about making a commitment and the power of showing up and where that got you?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, I think I was raised very much like you like say something, you stick to it, kind of. So, like if you're gonna go somewhere, you go somewhere, you don't cancel at the last minute. But I think the bigger commitments are scarier because they have a bigger outcome.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

They're like, okay, this is a bigger loss, or like might not go where you think it's gonna go.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah, which was kind of what I was like, okay. So I was scared, I would get to the very end, and then everyone would be like, This book is terrible. I was like, I did so much, and one person didn't buy it, you know? And I think that's the enemy for sure. Like putting in your ear, this isn't good enough, no one's gonna read it. Like, you don't even know what you're talking about. And so I think those can get to you after a while, because you're like, okay, I just give up, and that's his goal. It's like make you give up. So I think just fighting through that, even though it's really hard and difficult, and you want to just throw it all away, once you get to the other side, you're like, that wasn't too bad, you know? You're like, because the outcome in my situation was so much better than what I went through that I was like, okay, it's the the averse, and it's like the pain you're experiencing can't compare to the joy that's coming. Where it's like what you're going through right now, it's not the best, but it's gonna be so much better in X amount of like years or whatever. Right sticking to that and being like, God wouldn't put me here to like let me just fail.

SPEAKER_01 7:37

So well, and I think too is one thing is that if you can give up control of the outcome, and I know maybe in a future episode you and I'll talk about surrendering. And if you can just go, okay,

Surrender The Outcome And Do Today

SPEAKER_01 7:50

I'm gonna show up today with where God has me and what God has called me to do, I'm gonna surrender the outcome because you can't control how many people buy your book, who read your book, who it gets to, but you can control showing up, meeting with your mentor, you can control writing, you can control when you get feedback from an editor, taking the feedback. Like, and so that's what if you're listening to this and maybe you feel like God's calling you to do something that's pretty scary, is just ask yourself, what can I control? What can I take action on? And don't worry about everything else and take it a day at a time. So I want you to share with the audience of because you did that, because you were obedient, because you found a mentor, where has that taken you? Of where if you wouldn't have, if you would have just been like, this is crazy. I'm 15, I have no business writing a book. Like it is pretty incredible. You could have had that thought, but here we are five years later. Tell a little bit about what God has done in your life.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Yeah, I always think like, what if I didn't do that? Like, would I be in college right now already? Would I be somewhere else, not in Indiana, you know? I think, well, obviously, since I put out the book, I've really grown close to you, and you've invited me and kind of the biggest thing that you've done for me is connections, which I didn't realize how important those are. But like having someone like you send a church be like, hey, she spoke at my retreat, he can speak for you, and they're like, She's 17 years old. Do you really think she can do this? And you're like, Yes, I've seen it, I've been there, I know she can do it. So I think that so since I've written the book, I put out another book, the poetry book, and then I spoke in at three conferences and luncheons and all that stuff, and then also I think the biggest thing is I haven't gone to college yet, which is kind of crazy. But like I said, I'm going this fall, but I think that is also where the Lord wants me right now, too. So since I've put out those books, I've kind of been on this run, it feels like, and now it's getting like bigger and bigger.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

So no, I love that. And I so you know, if since we started working together over the five years, Sarah's published two books. She's finished writing her third one, she's been trained by me as a speaker, um, and is given three keynotes, which is amazing. And yeah, the Lord has led you on a different path. And if you're listening to this and you're like, I really feel like the Lord is calling me here, but this is what everybody else is doing. Do you want to talk a little bit about that? Of like, how did you have any struggles of going, wait, all my friends are going to college, but God is calling me to stay here and work with Stephanie and go on a different path for a little while.

SPEAKER_00 10:45

Yeah, it was difficult because no one stayed close. Everyone's like at Kentucky

The Trap Of Feeling Behind

SPEAKER_00 10:50

or even just southern Indiana or so many different states that it's like you feel behind because you don't know what they're doing. They could be at a party, they could be in a class somewhere, but you just don't like catch up with them like you normally do. And so I think I felt behind too because I was like, I feel like I'm doing nothing. Even though I was speaking and I was writing and I was putting out books, it was like I feel like I'm not doing enough. And I feel like I'm behind because everyone else is even now, I'm like, everyone else is going into their junior year and I'm going into my freshman year. Like that's like a two-year gap. Where I feel like some days I'm like, I could have done this, I could have been here, but then other days I'm like, I'm so glad that I didn't. So I think no matter what path you choose, you'll always feel behind in some way. Even if like your friend gets married and you're still single, or if if they graduate with like a 4.0 GPA and you have like a 3.5, it's like that's still good, but they're just a little bit better, you know? And I feel like that never goes away, but it's just like surrendering it to God and being like, this is where you have me, and I need to like live right here, right now, and not the like could have been. I need to live in like the this is what it is.

SPEAKER_01 12:03

Well, you touched on two things. One is you're never gonna be enough. And I think that is the lie that the society tells us is like you are enough and you can be enough, but what is that? Like, there's no definition, and we are never gonna be enough. We are not like we are sinful people, like sin entered in the world. We are not enough by ourselves, which is why we need Jesus Christ in our life and to surrender our life. So I think if you're listening to this and you're striving for that, like enough, like that's a lie of the devil. You're never gonna be enough. Um, and then I think two is I'm 49 and I always feel behind. And so I think recognizing that again, that I think that's the lie of the devil of you're behind. And it's like reminding you of like, no, God is outside of space and time. And if you are following him, he can do. I mean, you look at Jesus, his ministry was three years, you know, and you can look and say, Oh, I need 20 years or 40 years to do whatever the Lord's calling me. And he's like, No, I literally changed the world in three years in Jesus' life. You know, so um I just want to say that because I think it's a lie that the devil tells us. And no matter what your age is, when you can realize I'm following God and I'm right where I'm supposed to be, and because he's got me, I'm not enough, but he's enough for me and my shortcomings and my downfalls and whatever I'm struggling with, but I gotta give it to him. So we've talked a little bit about I've been your mentor. Obviously, we started mentoring ship in um just around your book, you know, we never knew where that would gonna take. And then I've mentored you in speaking and a little bit in business, and now you're doing editing for my publishing company. Um, but what do you think? And then maybe you and I could talk about this of like why it's important to have a mentor. So if a young gal your

Why Mentors Matter And What They Do

SPEAKER_01 14:00

age is looking and she's like, Man, I like, do I need a mentor? Why do I need a mentor?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Mm-hmm. I think the first thing is so you don't like go crazy, I think, is having someone there to be like, this is normal, this is what it's gonna look like, this is the work you're gonna have to do if you want to put out a book or if you want to speak somewhere or if you want to start your own business, like this is what it's gonna look like. And so I think someone already like walking through what you're currently walking through is so helpful because they're like, it's gonna be okay. And I also think they point out what they made mistakes in so you don't make those same mistakes. Because they're like, because Stephanie always says, I've already been through this, this is what not to do, this is what to do. And I'm like, thank you for telling me what what to do and what not to do. Because I think, like, if they are like really your mentor, they don't want to see you fail, they don't want to see you be like worse than them or anything. They want to like build you up and help you and do whatever they can to help you. So I think everyone should have a mentor, even if it's not for like a book or a speaking, just like in general, because I think you can go to them and ask them the hard questions and they'll answer you directly. Don't sugarcoat it. They're like, this is what it is, this is how it is, you're gonna be fine, kind of thing. And I think no matter like what it is, I can bring it to Stephanie, and she'll always go back to scripture and never say like what she thinks. She's like, Well, this is what Jesus says about this, this is what God said about this, and then she'll be like, and this is what I, you know.

SPEAKER_01 15:34

And so I always give my opinion sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

But it always goes back to scriptures. I think it's so important because if you have somebody who isn't Christian, they're gonna like gossip with you and they're gonna say like rude things about people. So I think having somebody rooted in scripture and who knows it well will always guide you in the right direction.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

I love that. And I think two things that you pointed on is I think if there is understanding what you want mentorship in, because most people that might be your mentor have potential to be your mentor, is you don't want to waste their time. You know, you don't want them to drive the agenda. You should show up to whoever you're asking and kind of be like, I need mentorship in this, uh, which is really how you and I started, and then it just, you know, took a path of its own. So I think one is really thinking about is why, if you're listening to this, why you want a mentor? What do you need mentorship in? Really pray and think. Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal where are some of your weaknesses? Where do you need to grow? Um, and it may be nothing related to a career. Maybe it is, maybe it is related to a career, but maybe it is, you know, like I get offended very easily. How do you get over that? Like, whatever it is. I don't know. You know, just thinking about some things that maybe somebody can help you with. The other thing, too, is depending on what you need mentorship in or where you think you need a mentor, is I believe getting somebody that's walked the path before you. And that's what you talked about. So, you know, you were interested in writing a book. It would be different if your dad said, Yeah, I I have this lady, and you know, she works with me, and I think she'd be a great mentor, but she's never written a book. She might be able to mentor you in some areas, but not the areas that you need. So I think it is important to first understand where you want mentorship at, and then finding somebody that has the ability to mentor you in that area. Agree? Disagree?

SPEAKER_00 17:35

Yeah, I agree. And I think too, you have to prepare yourself for the comments and stuff, even for like editing, where it's like they'll give you ideas, but you don't have to take them. They're just like, this is what I would do if I were you, but you can do whatever you want. And I think having that bug in your ear kind of like, okay, if Stephanie was here, she would do this, so I'm gonna do and just kind of like learning what they do and asking them, and just yeah, since she's walked what I've walked, I trust her so much. If it was a random lady, I'd be like, I don't know if I trust you that much. But I also think like the first time we met, she had like a list prepared of questions, and I was like, I don't know the answer to any of these questions because it was like self-published or like a company published, and it was like, Do you want this or this? And like for the cover, and I was like, Oh my gosh, like I don't know what I'm doing. And so having her there to like guide me through that was really sweet.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yeah, and that would be anywhere of your life

Finding The Right Mentor And Closing

SPEAKER_01 18:30

of where you need mentorship. Um, what do you think? Uh, if somebody's like, okay, I don't have a mentor, that you know, your dad made an introduction for me, but like, what should I look for in a mentor? How do I find a mentor? Do you have any advice or I can give my advice too?

SPEAKER_00 18:48

But I think to look for one, maybe at like your church. Yeah, someone in your church asking people. I think the hardest thing to do is just like ask somebody. And like, even for me, asking my dad, I was so scared. I was like, or even telling him, I was like, I actually wrote the book. I was so scared. Cause I'm like, he's gonna be like, What? But he's like, Oh my gosh, that that's so amazing. And then he found help for me, he didn't leave me there on my own.

SPEAKER_01 19:14

So I think reaching-parenting tip, you know, of like if you're a parent and you're like, uh, my daughter has come to me with a crazy idea, like, go with it. You never know where it's gonna lead.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

Yeah, and so I think reaching out to people if they're gonna be your mentor or not, like my dad is in a sense, I guess, my mentor, but like he found me you, like reaching out to people to find you somebody is important, and then reaching out to people like directly and be like, hey, would you be willing to be my mentor? Or if there's like a Bible study near you, you can go to that or just find people. I wouldn't do a random like Instagram person, I'd just find someone like in person that you can meet with like every other week to just talk through. And then I think like in a good mood. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:00

Because I think you said something that's important of like someone that is local, at least in the beginning, of what you need that you can meet in person. And then I also think, too, is like don't be scared to ask somebody and don't be scared if they say no, you know, is maybe they don't have time, maybe they're already mentoring, maybe they're dealing with something in their life that has nothing to do with you. So don't feel again, I know I brought it up earlier, but like, don't be offended if somebody's like, no, I can I can't, or I don't have the time or whatever. But then be willing to ask that person, like, do you know somebody that could? Back to your point of like being able to make a connection, or don't stop, just keep praying about it. Is maybe that person wasn't the right person. Um, you know, maybe a year from now that person comes back in your life or they come across somebody. So again, don't be worried about the outcome. You just take the step that you need to take and then pray, hey God, bring me the right person for me and for the things that I need mentored in.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yeah, that's so good. And then I think like your what was your second question? Like what to look for in a good mentor?

SPEAKER_01 21:12

Yeah, like how to find one and then what to look for in a good mentor. But I think from your perspective of, you know, from 15 to 20, I've been your mentor. What are you looking for? What's important if you were advising your friends?

SPEAKER_00 21:25

Yeah, I think someone like for me who's like rooted in faith, because they would have like a faith-based, like I talked about earlier, like on everything, there's always like a they point you back to scripture. Um, and then like honesty um is really important too, because if they're your mentor, you don't want them lying to you. Like if if you're doing something wrong, you want them to tell you and not just like everything's fine and dandy, which I think is really it's so important, and I think too, as women, and this this is something I've had to grow into maybe over the last decade.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

I'm 49 now, is like we're so scared of conflict, we're so scared of hurting somebody's feelings, we're so scared of all these things, but it it does you a disservice if I am not honest with you, which I think is why you have to have a good mentor to understand their heart. And are they giving you advice just to give advice? Or is it really like, no, I think you need to pivot, or this is something to think about or pray about, which is important of who do you bring in? Who are you listening to? Um, because yeah, you don't want it to be a year from now and like, oh, this person really hasn't helped me because that person is scared to give advice or offend or they're a people pleaser or whatever. So, as a mentor, if you're listening to this, like you have to really check yourself and go, do I have the ability to be a good mentor? And if not, these are the maybe I need a mentor to help me with somebody to go. How do you do that? How do you give somebody like advice on something that maybe they need to change or do better at or work on or whatever?

SPEAKER_00 23:08

So totally, and I always think the last thing that I would say is somebody that prays for you, but also who prays with you, because it's two different things to say that you'll be praying for them because at least for me, I'm like, are they or are they just saying that? Are they actually praying for me, or is that just something nice that they're saying? But then like praying with you, whether it's in person, whether it's over the phone, or whether it's like actually sending them like a prayer, I think is really important. And I think Stephanie has taught me to pray about everything, whether it's like the smallest thing or whether it's like this big dream you have, it's like no prayer is too small. And I think just even just talking to God and not like necessarily like praying, but just having like a conversation with him will change your day and it can turn your whole life around if you do it every single day. Because I think some people treat him as just like big, like, oh my gosh, that's so intimidating. But I think if you treat God more like a friend, you'll pray more and talk to him more.

SPEAKER_01 24:05

Yeah, it's building that relationship, and it God is so many things in our life, you know. He is a provider, he is a protector, he is a healer. Like, get in the Bible and you will see God is all these things, but God just wants a relationship with you at the end of the day, and you don't have to be perfect, you don't have to have everything figured out, none of us do, no matter our age. Um, but also God can use people and put people in your life to help you grow in your faith and to challenge you and to pray for and with you. And on that note, I think that's a great uh way to end this episode. And hopefully, Sarah and I talked about a few things that helps you to get to giving your best life. Thank you for listening to the Giving Your Best Life podcast. If this episode encouraged you, would you please share it with a friend or family member? Also, we'd love it if you would rate and review this podcast. Finally, if you want to connect with us, subscribe to our YouTube channel or follow us on TikTok and Instagram at giving your best life. Have a fabulous day.