Stephanie and Zach share the transformative power of confronting friends with love and courage. Zach, always the advocate for transparency, recounts the vital lessons learned from friends who once held their tongues when guidance was most needed. Together, we dissect the delicate art of understanding intentions behind advice, and how this molds our personal growth and spiritual paths.
It's an episode that transcends the boundaries of faith, challenging all listeners to reflect on the courage it takes to forge a life surrounded by meaningful connections.
Connect with Zach:
Zach's website here
Get a free resource: End Calorie Counting Toolkit here
Follow Zach on IG: @zachlloydcoaching
Connect with Stephanie:
Get a free resource The 4G Method Journal here.
Shop Stephanie's books here.
Follow me on IG: @Giving_Gal or FB/GivingGal
Stephanie and Zach share the transformative power of confronting friends with love and courage. Zach, always the advocate for transparency, recounts the vital lessons learned from friends who once held their tongues when guidance was most needed. Together, we dissect the delicate art of understanding intentions behind advice, and how this molds our personal growth and spiritual paths.
It's an episode that transcends the boundaries of faith, challenging all listeners to reflect on the courage it takes to forge a life surrounded by meaningful connections.
Connect with Zach:
Zach's website here
Get a free resource: End Calorie Counting Toolkit here
Follow Zach on IG: @zachlloydcoaching
Connect with Stephanie:
Get a free resource The 4G Method Journal here.
Shop Stephanie's books here.
Follow me on IG: @Giving_Gal or FB/GivingGal
Hey friends, it's Stephanie here with Giving your Best Life. Podcast and my friend.
Speaker 2:Zach.
Speaker 1:Lloyd, Sustainable Anti-Diet Coach Wonderful. We're back for another topic today, and Zach and I, first of all, if you have topics, send them to us. We want to hear from you A lot of times we're building off of what we talked about the last time, and today I had something that like popped up in my mind.
Speaker 2:Let's say maybe it was the holy spirit, and so I asked zach.
Speaker 1:I said can we talk about this? Because I don't think we've ever had a conversation, and what better like way to just like converse with all of you to see it. So do you want to start like telling the story or do you want?
Speaker 2:me to.
Speaker 1:I think you should I wasn't impacted in the same way you were, I know. So Zach and I attended an event and at the event we got our food and we're just sitting on the side and we're chatting and Zach and I go to the same church, but I had not become a member, I had not been involved. But I had not become a member, I had not been involved. I my church attendance, was sneaking in the back, sitting in the back row and leaving before anybody could talk to me, and I've been doing that for probably eight plus years and one reason like this isn't an excuse.
Speaker 1:But as a police wife wife we can get in the habit of doing that because a lot of times our spouses work weekends, work Sundays um, I just even saw this in a police wife group where she was like feeling guilty not going to church. But it is this whole thing that you deal with at church of people like where's your husband or they start wondering like I don't know, you start to play mind games. So that had been my church life of going in and not participating at the church, not really doing anything outside of the church. And so Zach confronted me and do you want to like, maybe share what you confronted me about?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I basically just said. You know why not try the membership class?
Speaker 1:right yeah, because that's kind of how it started. Yeah, he was asking me why I wasn't a member and why I wasn't involved, and I didn't have a good reason. My reason was I was still a member of the church that I attended when I was a child.
Speaker 1:Oh right, yeah, yeah, we were talking about that, yes, yes, and that church like my parents, my family left that church when I was in junior high, so it wasn't even a church that my parents still go to, but I have such an emotional tie to that church. That's where I accepted Christ, like I really learned how to study the Bible, like I was just holding on to like that is my church. I was just holding on to like that is my church, and so you confronted me about like just even going to the membership class and I said I will pray about it. And I think that's one thing of when somebody confronts you about it. I don't think I got defensive.
Speaker 2:No, not at all. If anything, I think you deserve the most credit out of the whole thing because you took it really well. I don't even remember it being something I thought too much about, other than the fact that I knew I had to say something. I wouldn't consider myself your friend if I didn't say something at that point.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's important. So let's dive a little bit deeper into that is because, like to you, you didn't see it as a big deal for me when you told me I was like I'm gonna have to really pray and think about one. Why was I holding on to something from my childhood, which we can tend to do, that hold on to the past but then like, why wouldn't I just take the step to going to a membership class?
Speaker 1:like I wasn't having to make a commitment, but I, but I even was like I need to pray about that. And I think, when people confront us with stuff is we don't have to take on what they say. We can pray about it but also be receiving, because, if you're, I think the other thing too is I received it well, because I know Zach's heart and I think so many times when people confront us with something, we don't stop to think about, like what is that person's heart? Like, does that person? Are they a good friend of mine? Is it somebody that I trust? Um, and maybe that's why I didn't respond like negatively or get defensive because I'm like Zach's not going to tell me anything. That's going to hurt me. Um, but let's jump into into. You said you felt like you had to tell me because you wouldn't be a good friend if you didn't tell me.
Speaker 2:Explain that a little bit Part of that is historical for me too. I just feel like I've had, you know, long periods of times where I thought to myself why was I doing that? For so long, and why did nobody say anything?
Speaker 2:to me oh wow, and that really bothered me and it made me question the friendships. It made me question basically everything surface was like, at all surface level. And so at some point as I was becoming an adult, I was like I'm going to bias, towards abrasiveness for lack of a better word and I'm okay with telling somebody the straight truth and telling them in love, but also like I rather side on that than the other side of not telling them, because I never want to be responsible for not ultimately saying something that God puts on my heart to tell somebody I know whether they're a friend or not, right, um, and it's not because I want to be abrasive, if anything it's. I don't want to do that. I still have that friction of not wanting to say something I think we all do right.
Speaker 2:I just with that historical context, I know that I'd rather be wrong on that end than the other end and be too passive. And then I I just know myself I will I will take some fault in that if somebody is in this case. It's not a good example of misstepping. I don't miss stepping at all, but like I think we all have friends there, it's like they're clearly doing things that are not in their best interest. It's like if you go out and have drinks every once in a while, cool, but if it starts to become like monday, wednesday and friday and then the weekend it's like oh like that might be a conversation to have with somebody.
Speaker 2:That's another example, and for you it was just more of like hey, like you're clearly showing up regularly, you like the church, like why not find out more about it and see where it goes?
Speaker 1:you know what I mean yeah, a couple of things that you talked on. Just on that last point, and I just want to say is it's it is a gift what Zach gave to me that day and I think sometimes we don't think about that Like you're thinking of, like I got to get it out, it might be abrasive, I see something, but it's been such a gift because not only did I listen to him and I prayed about it, I attended the membership class. I learned so much about the church that I didn't know. There's a lot that I learned that I love, like I didn't know our church, like I don't know. And then I got to have a conversation with the pastor, which is great. So it just grew a relationship with one of the pastors. They got to know me, which then they connected me to like here's ways that you can serve in the church.
Speaker 1:Now I serve on coffee bar. It's like one of my favorite things that I get to do, which then has led to new friendships, new relationships. There's a lady that I met at the coffee bar that then I attended a worship night that I hadn't and I just felt led to. I didn't really even know her. We served one time at the coffee bar and I felt led to go sit by her and I ended up being able to pray for her Like her heart was a breaking, something that had just happened. But it's like this ripple effect I'm on the prayer team now, which I love the prayer team Like there's just all these ripple effects, but it's like if Zach doesn't have the courage and put yourself in this position.
Speaker 1:And I think pray too, like if God's really laying on your heart, like I really need to speak to a friend about this Is like pray about it and then have the courage. Pray about it and then have the courage. Yesterday at church they were saying like, have conviction, courage and compassion. Yeah, I love that Because we can maybe be a part of somebody's path that God is leading them on to do and God's going to use you and then you just stop it. So that's good, I think.
Speaker 1:The other thing too sorry, I feel like I'm talking a lot but like you just said a bunch of great things is why didn't someone tell me Like can you dive in? Because that really hit me to think of, like wow, how often are we doing that when we're seeing people like In your case, do you want to talk a little bit about like destructive things that you are doing?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. So the drinking analogy is one of them. Yeah, oh my gosh, what a waste of time and money for that. And calories, yes, oh gosh the calories. Yes, sorry, I didn't know that, that's for sure. That's one of the biggest things that sticks out historically. Yeah, it's also too. It's like I said, like I still think about this today, like what does a true friendship look like and how do you like test that? Because I know of people that consider themselves best friends and have known each other for a very long time, but they haven't challenged each other on things that me, looking from the outside, looking in, it's like why don't you?
Speaker 1:I'm not the right person to have the conversation, but your best friend is like why?
Speaker 2:isn't. They said anything to you and I know for a fact that they have it and they haven't had those conversations and for me it's like I don't consider you a best friend or a friend at that point, like that's the whole reason we have, like that's one of the biggest reasons we have friends, if if it's not that it's like you're kind of using each other to like you know, uh, whatever, like have a good time or go do things together so you're not alone, but like ultimately like a friendship should become kind of more raw and real over time right and then, like sometimes, friends move away or you know you're not interested in the same things.
Speaker 1:It's like you're still friends.
Speaker 2:But you, you move apart and that's natural too. But like, what does a friendship really like, look like it mean to you and for me? I'm just obsessed with time. I do not want to waste time. And one thing I've gotten older is like better at is saying no to things, but also saying no to people. And just and also just like setting expectations too, know, like setting expectations with a friend. It's like, hey, this is what I expect of you. And one more thing on the expectation thing.
Speaker 2:It reminded me so with my small group at the same church very early on in the small group I wanted nothing to do with small groups. I was very personally against it and I just said, all right, god, I'm against this. But I know this is good for me, because the church teaches us this, the Bible teaches us this. Community is important. So I'm gonna try, I'm gonna keep trying and I'm open my heart to this. But one of the biggest things I said was literally at the first or second meeting with the small group of it was young married couples at the time is, and I said it to everyone.
Speaker 2:I said I just need like a couple minutes to talk real quick. Did they know you? Allison rolled her eyes, like here we go, my wife Allison, just like, oh boy, did these people know you? Not really, okay, yeah, but it just like I was not going to waste my time unless I was going to get something out of it, right, and I just told them real and I was like, hey, I kind of explained what a small group looked like to me and these were my expectations and not that I'm right, but is there any reason for us not to all agree to these things? Um, and then I kind of threw something out there as well which I think is helpful in this. Like friendship that we're talking about is like throw out a bone first and so I just gave out my entire testimony.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and so that was a.
Speaker 2:That was me being real and wrong it was. It was obvious. It's my testimony. There's a lot of tears, a lot of things going on, but like that showed them that I was willing to actually follow through with the expectations I had. And I mean it's been a thriving group ever since and I'm not saying it's thriving because of me, but that helped me right dig in deeper to that group which is what I think God had for me and for everybody.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you hit on. Something which we talk a lot about, I think, and we will continue, is expectations. So you set an expectation for that group, which my guess too is you probably said something that maybe other people wanted to say but nobody had the courage to say it, something that maybe other people wanted to say but nobody had the courage to say it. And I think that's what happens in our friendships is we're more scared of losing a friend or hurting their feelings or fill in the blank than having the courage to confront them about something that may make them uncomfortable. If they don't receive it well, may make them defensive. If they don't receive it well, may make them defensive. Um, and I think too, it is how you one react. So if somebody's telling you something is how you react. Ask yourself why you're reacting that way. But also it goes back to when people tell you something, and I've learned this, like the good and the hard way over the past couple or past year is like you told me that I received it well, but I went to prayer, I started taking steps. I didn't just take it as the gospel.
Speaker 1:I've had other people who told me this something and they felt like it was adamant I need to take action now. And it caused me confusion, it caused me worry, like a lot of stress, and I was taking that to prayer. I talked to a pastor, and not that I thought they were wrong, but what I realized and you had even told me this is like God is not the God of confusion, the devil is of a confusion, and so I think that's where you can use your faith is, if a friend tells you something, take it in, pray about it. If you have to fast, um, talk to somebody about it, go into scripture and if it's, if it lines up, you're like wow, or lord, convict me if I'm behaving this way, like lord, if I need help, open the door or show me who I'm supposed to have a conversation with. But I like I mean, yeah, there's a lot of good things there that you said.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and to wrap up too, to the person that's listening, that's not in that faithful place yet or doesn't really know God yet, I would say I've been there completely against religion, completely against faith, but don't overlook what we talked to today. Like to be like, oh, that's a Christian thing, or blah, blah, blah. Like just think about your friend group and think about your expectations that you guys all have, and whether you're in like you're clearly not in a small group, right so, but think of your friends as this small group of friends that is your community. And what do you kind of expect out of your community? Because ultimately, it's not like just to go have a beer with somebody, Like there should be a deeper community and relationship happening there, and if you're not getting that, maybe it's time to look somewhere else.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Find a new friend group? Yeah, and make sure too. I think is you're surrounding yourself and this is like maybe to the younger population or maybe the older population, I don't know. But maybe to the younger population or maybe the older population, I don't know. But if you're surrounding yourself with people who are bringing you down, are taking you into those situations and you're feeling convicted about it, I think that's the other time is sometimes you might think well, I'm not going to find anybody else, these people are better than nothing.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe not you know like I don't know, so I think that's important to really evaluate. I don't know, so I think that's important to really evaluate, and I know both of us, over time, have had people in our lives that they were good people. It's not that they were bad people, but it was just like we don't have time for this. We need people that are going to help us grow, challenge us, make us stronger, make us better, and I think I'll wrap up with like these are all things Great friendships are ways to get to giving your best side.